Spider Splooge
Another scene. This one involves Dennis and Eddy discussing their status as fanboys, Spiderman killing Mary Jane, "pullin the plug," and Erica's promiscurity.

(walkin out of diner, down the street)

Dennis: You gotta be shittin me

Eddy: Stop me when I lie

Dennis: There's no possible way you could be right.

Eddy: Dude, you keep tryin to contend you're straight, but if you wanna have
this conversation on the street, not only are you about as straight as a 3
dollar bill, but you're furthering the belief that you're the only gay virgin in

Dennis: Fuck off, you walk around with that smug look, but you know you're an
even bigger fanboy than me.

Eddy: Pfft!

Dennis: Oh no? Then say that Superman is the alter ego Clark Kent created to
stop crime.

Eddy: Blasphemy! Everyone knows that Clark Kent is the alter ego created by
Superman to project his true thoughts of humanity as weak, cowardly, &
pathetic individuals.

Dennis: Hah!

Eddy: Well, maybe you're right about that, but that doesn't make me a liar

Dennis: Yeah it does, cause there's no way it'd destroy her.

Eddy: C'mon man, you ever see a patient go through Kemo?

Dennis: What's that gotta do with Mary Jane?

Eddy: Well, when a patient is subjected to all that radiation, it's starts to have
negative side effects on their body. Now we all know Mary Jane and
Parker have been married for years, and considering the looks she always
gives him, they've gotta be fuckin like rabbits.

Dennis: O...k

Eddy: Hear me out, Parker got his powers through a radioavtive spider bite,
right? You figure it altered his DNA, and what's more, you have to
assume that in order for him to have kept his powers so long the radiation
had to stay in his system

Dennis: Sounds about right

Eddy: Now, you figure a married couple, especially one with a pregnency scare
like the Parkers, had to stop wearin raincoats a while ago. Every time
they get down, he's givin her a hefty dose of radiation.

Dennis: Still can't buy it

Eddy: Think about it, even if they get down only once a week, he's injectin her
with radioactive spider splooge 52 times a year. Are you gonna tell me
that's doin nothin to her?

Dennis: Well...

Eddy: Quit bein a pussy and admit, Parker loves Mary Jane, but of all the
people tryin to kill her, he's the one that's gonna succeed.

Dennis: Dude, what the fuck goes on in your head to make you come up with all
this shit?

Eddy: I'd like to let you glimpse into the mad world that is my cerebelum, but
I'm afraid the content will give your fragile mind such a shock you'll fall
into a deep state of psychosis, then I'd have to kill you, Old Yeller style.

Dennis: That's cold man

Eddy: What else do you do with a friend who's lost his mind? You expect me to
babysit you while you smear fecal matter on the walls of your confinement

Erica: Hey guys, what's up?

Dennis: Nothing, 'cept lil Travis here is gonns kill me

Erica: What?

Eddy: Now c'mon, I didn't say it like that

Erica: Why are you trying to kill him

Dennis: 'Cause I smeared shit on the walls

Erica: Smeared shit on the wa-?

Eddy: Dude, do you really have a problem with this shit?

Dennis: Not if you actually wanna be a douchebag for the rest of your life

Eddy: Grow up, I'd expect you to do the same for me, not like this wuss over

Erica: Hey!

Dennis: Really? In that case, it's kool...fuckin bitches never wanna pull the plug

Erica: You can't call me a bitch!

Eddy: I think he just did.

Erica: God-damn fucks are always the same!

Dennis: What's got her panties up in a bunch?

Eddy: My guess is she just broke up with "stupid"

Erica: I thought he was special

Eddy: Bullshit, Ere

Dennis: Gotta admit, I've seen-

Erica: Shut up! You don't know

Eddy: C'mon! How many dates?

Erica: A lady doesn't tell

Dennis: You're no lady

Erica: :-O

Eddy: Dennis...Erica?

Erica: Four

Eddy: ...

Erica: ok three

Eddy: Uh-huh

Erica: (sigh) fine...second date

Dennis: Dude, you are a slut!

Erica: Son of a-

Eddy: Denny, we had a talk about this, you need to learn how to NOT blurt
things out.

Erica: Why the fuck do you even bring this fuck-tard around without a leash?

Eddy: Now play fair, Ere, I could just as easily ask you why you don't have a
muzzle on your oyster ditch to stop it from tryin to swallow every nether-
rod in a 5 mile radius

Erica: Oh, like you're one to talk. I may be a whore, but at least I'm gettin
satisfied. Don't pretend I didn't hear about your 5 second power show
with Betty

Eddy: Oh, that's where you wanna take it?

Erica: Express Shipping. Bring your A-game, bitch!

Dennis: When are you two just going to admit you love eachother?

Both: WHAT!?

(Eddy, Erica look incredulously at Dennis. Walk away)

Gay Movie
A scene from the script I'm writingn for my untitled project. Dennis and Eddy briefly discuss the homosexual themes in a romantic movie. (Names not final)

(on the couch, in front of the tv)

Eddy: This is by far the gayest movie on the planet

Dennis: How the fuck is it gay? It's a hetero couple!

Eddy: Who gives a fuck if it's a dude and chick, the real crime is that they're
sittin there talkin about 'love' and 'forever' and shit when they should be
talkin bout gettin down.

Dennis: Gettin down?

Eddy: Yeah, you know, makin with the sex

Dennis: I know what you mean. Don't you think they're gonna eventually fuck?

Eddy: Well yeah they're gonna eventually fuck, but in this scene they're only bein
all romantic and shit. That shit's for pussies.

Dennis: Dude, do you even have half a brain?

Eddy: Hear me out, so fine, they make with the fuckin later, and that's cool, but
you're tellin me that these two bitches have to make me sit here and
watch their pansy-ass love story unfold while gettin no pay-off? That shit's

Dennis: Dude, there's a major pay-off here. They're embarking on the greatest
journey ever. The journey of love.

Eddy: Case in fucking point. You watch this scene, and next thing I know
you're sittin here vomiting this gay journey of love bullshit like it's some
gay disease. Well I tell you one thing, my friend, I am NOT sticking
around to catch it.

Dennis: Point taken. But hey, you know how I know you're gay?

Eddy: Don't even get me started...

crazy, dingy, batty, bonkers and berserk
screwy, kooky, mental, and maybe even mad
Some call me just plain silly
I prefer maniac

You can't see with your eyes,
Til you believe with your mind
And then you are mine
They've got you trapped in a lie
When you believe you're alive
And don't forget where you're from
I once read that in a book
I can no longer preach what they took
Cause then they'll say I'm

crazy, dingy, batty, bonkers and berserk
screwy, kooky, mental, and maybe even mad
Some call me just plain silly
I prefer maniac

Maniacal freedom
with maniacal justice
You heard of eye for an eye?
How you think that bitch had gone blind?
I've got maniacal truths
Yelled down from the mountains
T.V controls the thoughts of our youth
But it's only you that can stop them
And only if you're

crazy, dingy, batty, bonkers and berserk
screwy, kooky, mental, and maybe even mad
Some call me just plain silly
I prefer maniac

They say I tell maniacal lies
That I am wasting your time
When I spit maniacal rhymes
That what I'm doing's a crime
I call them cowards
Screaming from their ivory towers
Saying it's my voice that must be silenced
Saying that all free voices are pirates
Or worse, they slap more labels on you
and ship you off to cabu
Shit, Cuba. This whole things fuckin taboo.
They say I'm

crazy, dingy, batty, bonkers and berserk
screwy, kooky, mental, and maybe even mad
Some call me just plain silly
I prefer maniac

Yeah I'm a maniac, one not of homicide, but of biocide,
of deicide, and fratricide
of xenocide and viricide
Tyrranicide and linguicide
Geocide and politicide
Mariticide and Regicide
Yeah, I'm a maniac
I'm Mikie, the Pseudocidal Maniac


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